Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
