How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
