so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
