Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
