Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
