theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
