It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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