Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
