508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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