so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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