Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
