I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize