It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
