Swine flu. Run for my life!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
