Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize