it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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