Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
