I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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