mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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