I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
