I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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