The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
