Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
