haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
