i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
