I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
