i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
