We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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