whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
