shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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