If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just sent this text using only my big toe
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm at about main and main street
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you never un-have a 4some
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
