dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
