There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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