Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
