I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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