So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
