there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
