There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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