Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
