Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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