i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
