I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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