Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize