I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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