Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
