So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
