i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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