I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
