p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
