you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
