Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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