her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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