She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
