ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
