4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
