the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
false alarm, still single
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
