About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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