Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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