so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
