Non-Jews are for practice
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
