How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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