Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize