some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
