I just made out with a guy for $7.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
