You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
there is glitter all over my balls
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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