so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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