there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
