But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
