Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
