Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
