Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
