Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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