He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
