I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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