now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
