I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
