just survived the first fart of the relationship.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize