she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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