Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
