He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
