party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
