when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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