dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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