Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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