I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
