I think i sorta joined a cult last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
