____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This house was built for laser tag.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
