we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
