Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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