It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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