so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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