does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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