im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
