When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
