I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize