Kiss
Puke
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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