just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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