I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
