My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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