Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Actions speak louder than pants.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
