Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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