I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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