I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
