So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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